There are struggles that I am finding difficult to overcome. A season in my life where I am suffering a lot of pain and discomfort, loneliness and confusion. I find myself in a job where I am increasingly unhappy, in a city that is a distance from home, with a mind that isn’t settled and a heart that is aching. Many tears have been shed through anger and frustration. I am envious. I am envious of those closest to me, for their life does not match how I see mine. I am embarrassed. Embarrassed of what people will think and most of all, embarrassed of my sense of failure.
‘Things WILL change’, I hear them telling me and I know it myself, this isn’t me. How and when is the question. How do I get through this and when will it end?
Some articles have come to my attention this past week which have provided comfort in knowing that I am not alone. Making friends in a new city can be tough and now I am not embarrassed to admit that. During a recent melt down, a wise person told me to write down my feelings. As I wrote, a weight was lifted from my mind. I am calling it a poem and this is how it went.
This is my life
There is struggle and heartache
Anger and frustration
There is hope and health
There is faith and confidence
There is worry and anxiety
Loneliness and confusion
Early mornings and late nights
Watery eyes and damp lashes
This is my life
Words of encouragement but voices of failure
Long straight roads, forever turning
Bursts of laughter, short of breath
Click, crack, click, crack
Insulted by envy
Loved by many
Tender and strengthened
This is a season of my life
I like to think of these difficult times as a ‘season’, a storm that will pass. I know that I will be a stronger person as a result, who has direction, compassion and love. Life is a journey and I am so excited to turn the next corner!
These are the articles I mentioned that were comforting and interesting.
This one from the New York Times on why it is so hard to make friends when you’re older.
This one is from Marie Claire on how to find a new BFF when you’re over 30.
An article from Huffington Post helped me realise I am not alone nor is it uncommon to feel the need to make friends when you’re older.
I was also told to watch these interesting TED Talks but have not got round to watching them all yet.
Amy Cuddy talking about how your body language shapes who you are
Jane Mcgonigal, founder of the game Angry Birds and how it originated as a ‘healing game’ for her during some dark times
Lastly, Do What You Love is a great website for inspiration and I also love their weekly ‘Love Monday’ emails which are usually motivating stories with fun attachments.
And remember; All good things are difficult to achieve and everything worth fighting for is hard.